Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex girlfriend. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and proceeded to tell me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my Ipod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, my boss asked me if I could work on valentine's day because there was no chance of me having a date. She's right. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I lost my virginity to a guy who believes he is a Sith. FML My Life Sucks...