Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML My Life Sucks...

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys, the tv and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah and they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I was sitting on the train and the guy across from me had "Lice Shampoo" written in magic marker on his hand. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML My Life Sucks...

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML My Life Sucks...